IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

#children #diseases #adults #obesity #disease
Modern societies have been experiencing illnesses since chemical products were invented in order to provide unlimited desires. Just as elders, young individuals suffer from sicknesses. Especially, being overweight is the most known problem of the vast majority of teenagers. Indeed, the main consideration of society is only old
people
 can experience some type of illness.
Nevertheless
, air pollution, contamination of soil, overusing chemical products, using pesticides in order to increase agricultural yields, have caused descent age that
people
 suffer from sicknesses. Significantly, obesity is the most famous disease among society and children as well. Obviously, there are numerous factors to influence fatness too. These can be classified as overeating, consumption of fast foods, little sleep and little sportive activities, long watching television, long-playing computer games and changes in eating habits. Literally, fatness may lead to unrenewable health problems
such
 as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart stroke, and hypertension.
For example
, unlike healthy
people
, wounds of diabetes hardly can be treated.
In addition
, the average level of tension cannot be kept under control without using drugs. The cure of obesity is not hard. Essentially, the body mass index is an important factor to determine obesity. Obviously, the calculation is very simple, weight in kilograms divided by height in metres. The treatment depends on the implementation of simple rules. These are, consume less food and more good fat, consume less processed sugary foods, eat more servings of vegetables and fruits, eat plenty of dietary fibres, focus on eating glycaemic index foods, and engage in regular aerobic activity.
As a result
,
people
 know the consequence of being overweight and precautions as well. Being healthy is not so hard.
Submitted by evren on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: