Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

In modern times,

music

has greatly benefited in many positive ways. An easy outlet for stress relief and rejuvenation,

music

can bring

people

of different backgrounds or ages together, as some

people

think. I totally agree with

this

idea,

people

with different mentalities can

dance

to the same song repertoire accompany the singer or listen to the same

music

. First of all, the

songs

work on the soul of many

people

from young to old. But sometimes it is seen that young

people

have more fun than old

people

. Young

people

sometimes

dance

or listen to the lyrics without paying attention until the elders want to understand the meaning of the lyrics. After all, every individual has the pleasure before the end.

Although

songs

affect

people

, their tastes gradually change.

This

time, not only age or tradition but

also

delights bring

people

together.

On the other hand

, there are different kinds of

music

in every tone in every language. Some prefer

songs

without words,

that is

songs

played on any instrument,

while

others do not pay attention to

this

. Some

people

just like the melody of the song without paying attention to the lyrics. Those who listen in different languages choose the meaning of the song. Many nationalities are already known for their

songs

For example

, when you think of talents,

people

who have energy and

dance

come to mind. Nepali

songs

that have won global love are number-one

dance

songs

for parties. So

music

is the key to bringing

people

together

To conclude

although

music

plays differently for each soul, it is an advantage for many to enjoy together. Whether you understand the meaning or not,

people

can come to a common path from the melody.

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear position, but it would benefit from more specific examples and expanded points to strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning specific instances where music has successfully brought people together, like international music festivals or cross-generational concerts, could help.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure and presents an introduction and conclusion. However, it could benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to better connect your points.

task achievement

The introduction clearly states your position, making it clear to the reader from the beginning where you stand on the topic.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing your viewpoint in a succinct manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some areas of the US, a “curfew” is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?