Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Popularity
Add an article
The popularity
show examples
of media celebrities and successful athletes has been gradually increased among
youngsters
.
However
, the problem of these so-
calles
Correct your spelling
called
stars often
behave
Change the verb form
behaves
show examples
less than ideal are posed due to the likelihood of delivering adverse effects on
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation. It is considered that drawbacks of following celebrities without reasonable grounds
instead
of having proper
role
models to admire are greater than its benefits.
This
essay will outline
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are disadvantages of
this
phenomenon and provide reasons to
support
Correct pronoun usage
itsupport
show examples
.
First
and foremost, if
youngsters
follow
people
only for popularity and fame, it would more likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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be
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
show examples
as there would be nothing to learn from them. To explain, it is of paramount importance to children and teenagers to have an influential
role
model. As a matter of fact, it could be anyone, not only CEOs of big companies or presidents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
sports stars, famous
people
on social media, actors or actresses, as long as there are things to learn from them.
That is
to say, chasing wrong
role
models will only be time consumptive for young
people
.
Seconly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
Second
, appalling behaviours or mindsets of popular
people
could affect
youngsters
to believe that those are
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
things to do or follow. To be more specific, young
people
are inclined to mimic
people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
they like regardless of whose wholesomeness.
In other words
, when some famous
people
say gender or race discriminative comments, these dangerous notions could
set
Add a missing verb
be set
show examples
in
youngsters
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
Therefore
, it should be
disencouraged
Correct your spelling
discouraged
to young generation to follow celebrities with disrespectable attitudes. To summarise, for young
people
, having a person that they like and trying to keep up with the person could
conveys
Change the verb form
convey
show examples
considerable benefits in their personal growth.
However
, the
importantance
Correct your spelling
importance
is subject to
personalities
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the personalities
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of their
role
models. So if
young
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the young
show examples
generation
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
on following
people
who have unhealthy behaviour, it would not result in positive growth.
Thus
, it is necessary to educate
youngsters
about
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
they should follow for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
future.
Submitted by ohyounhye on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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