IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of Social Media is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #contact #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been various ways of human
communication
Use synonyms
 for a long time.
People
Use synonyms
 started to communicate with each other by using face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, technology has emerged to increase human
communication
Use synonyms
, especially social
media
Use synonyms
 and online
platforms
Use synonyms
 that bring convenience and
people
Use synonyms
 become closer. In my opinion, social
media
Use synonyms
 does not compare with
in-person
Add an article
an in-person
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the benefits of face-to-face interaction.
To begin
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that social
media
Use synonyms
 and online
platforms
Use synonyms
 provide convenience.
People
Use synonyms
 can get back to be in touch with their friends, family, and beloved ones even they are far apart.
Also
Linking Words
, technology helps us to receive up-to-date information anytime and anywhere.
For example
Linking Words
, Twitter is a rapid information platform and is an online community.
Besides
Linking Words
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, social
media
Use synonyms
 allow
people
Use synonyms
 to gather from
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 in the world.
However
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 are not able to substitute
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
. Since communicating direction is mostly texting, it can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
misunderstanding in terms of voice tone, facial expression, and intention of message senders.
In other words
Linking Words
, online
platforms
Use synonyms
 are lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human senses: sight, touch, smell, and sound.
In addition
Linking Words
, face-to-face interaction can be decreased from social
media
Use synonyms
 addiction. As they only communicate from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic devices and do not talk to other
people
Use synonyms
 in person.
Also
Linking Words
, it can lower personal
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 from comparing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others’ lifestyles from perspectives on social
media
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, bad physical health, from staring
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the screen for a long time, causes bad
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
 and backache from wrong ergonomic positions. As mentioned above, using social
media
Use synonyms
 and online
platforms
Use synonyms
 do not outweigh
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
. Since in-person interaction remains many dimensions of
communication
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as tone of voice and facial expression.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can provide healthy physical and mental
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Submitted by suangpakanun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: