IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
Juveniles are experiencing a great level of
life
in contrast
 to their
parents
 which encompass more amenities, while they are more depressed and do not enjoy their
life
 as much as their
parents
. It seems that easier achievements and comparison of their lifestyle with others obstruct them from enjoying their own
life
. These kinds of views have roots in childhood years and should solve in that years. Adolescences are not satisfied with their
life
 because of two main reasons.
First
 of all, in comparison to the past, being less hardworking is enough for answering your
first
 needs. It means a well-paid job, adequate accommodation, healthy food and etcetera are all accessible for young people which needed burning oil for other generations.
As a result
, youngsters who achieve all stuff straightforward, do not appreciate their situations and belongings thoroughly.
Secondly
, in social
media
Add a comma
,media
show examples
 there are numerous celebrities with fancy lifestyles which leads adolescences to compare their
life
 with them all the time and
consequently
 not satisfied with their own
life
 and feel completely depressed. Psychologists mainly believe all attitudes in adults is the result of upbringing years. Not enjoying
life
 in adolescence happens when
parents
 behave in an inappropriate way. To explain more, nowadays
parents
 try hard to prepare all amenities and facilities for their kids so they grow up without entering with any challenges. Spoiled children with no great vision who just pay attention to materialistic aspects of
life
 but if
parents
 let the children experience the real-
life
 challenges and speak with them about the world from a deeper point of view, they would not even think about comparing themselves with celebrities. These children would set goals for themselves and get satisfied by hardworking to achieve them
therefore
 see their personality as a meaningful one. In conclusion, upbringing methods plus social media mislead juveniles from precious lifestyles and
also
 satisfying deep inside.
Parents
 behaviour in children’s upbringing can modify
this
 type of view.
Submitted by pejhan.red on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: