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Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. What are the reasons for this trend? And what possible solutions could reduce this issue?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #trend
The crime rate has been increasing in the world for many years.
According to
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, teens have a higher rate of crime. Some citizens believe that the
parents
 are the reason for
this
 increase
while
 others think that
this
 thought is strongly wrong.
To begin
 with, the amount of crime is increasing every day. Some experts found some reasons for
this
 trend. The biggest reason is that
parents
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their children, especially boys, wrong.
According to
 statistics, the rate of rape committed in the world has increased significantly.
For instance
, there are a lot of people in Turkey who have committed rape and have not been in jail, and that's because of family misdirection.
That is
 why in some countries the amount of crimes committed by teenagers is growing.
On the other hand
, some experts believe that there are many possible solutions. It is the major way is
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 information to individuals who have children. Information seminars to be organized by the government make a good impact in
this
 regard. Given an example,
parents
 learn how to raise children and how not to talk in front of them.
Therefore
, it can be clearly said that the family has a very significant role in
such
 situations.
To sum up
, there are crimes committed in every country and
this
 is more common
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young people.
Also
, there are solutions
as well as
 causes. Some
parents
 support these solutions but others oppose it and here the most important job is with the government.
Submitted by aslinur.ozcan on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, provide a more balanced discussion of both reasons and solutions. Include multiple causes and solutions to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Improve Coherence and Cohesion by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more real-world, specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for good structure.
task achievement
You have addressed both the reasons for the increase in teenage crime and possible solutions, covering the main points of the essay question.
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