In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
children
’s around the world are having Use synonyms
the
issues regarding Correct article usage
apply
the
obesity and other Correct article usage
apply
health
Use synonyms
problems
related to it. Some people assert that these Use synonyms
problems
are the results of carelessness and irresponsible Use synonyms
behavior
to Change the spelling
behaviour
Use synonyms
children
’s Use synonyms
health
from Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
. As far as I am concerned, each and every Add an article
the government
parents
and Use synonyms
individuals
are equally as responsible as Change to a singular noun
individual
Use synonyms
government
for their Correct article usage
the government
health
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
parents
should be well aware Use synonyms
about
their Change the preposition
of
Use synonyms
children
’s Use synonyms
health
and take care of them. Motivating Use synonyms
children
to participate in different Use synonyms
sports
activities Use synonyms
such
as cycling, swimming, playing football and so on , could be Linking Words
very
effective way to keep them physically and mentally healthy. Researchers Add an article
a very
claims
that Change the verb form
claim
children
whose Use synonyms
parents
motivate and support their kids to involve in some Use synonyms
sports
are physically fit and face only Use synonyms
few
Correct article usage
a few
health
Use synonyms
problems
in Use synonyms
compare
to other kids. Replace the word
comparison
Secondly
, it is to be noted that Linking Words
children
should be given more freedom to play outdoor than watching TV and playing video games on Use synonyms
computer
, which would automatically help them to keep fit and active. It is obvious thatAdd an article
the computer
a computer
,
playing outdoor games help Remove the comma
apply
children
to be more active and creative while watching tv and playing video games has Use synonyms
a
passive content and no need to be active and imaginative which would affect Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
children
’s Use synonyms
health
directly or indirectly. Above all, the most practical way to keep Use synonyms
children
healthy is making Use synonyms
sports
and PT classes compulsory by Use synonyms
schools
. Many Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
in Use synonyms
children
like obesity, diabetes, heart diseases are caused due to the lack of body Use synonyms
exercises
which could Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
be compensate
if these Change the verb form
be compensated
sports
classes are made compulsory in Use synonyms
schools
. Use synonyms
Thus
, every Linking Words
Use synonyms
parents
and individual should be well conscious Fix the agreement mistake
parent
towards
their Change preposition
of
health
and participate in physical exercises.
When it comes to Use synonyms
government
, we should be well aware that even if Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
tries its best to provide Add an article
the government
health
facilities to Use synonyms
children
but they don’t get Use synonyms
involve
in any sorts of Change the form of the verb
involved
sports
or do exercises , they just can’t lose their weight and may have to face many Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
in future. In order to, remain healthy and avoid Use synonyms
health
issues, Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
can launch Add an article
the government
health
programs and awareness related to Use synonyms
health
in public but at Use synonyms
Linking Words
last
it is Add a comma
,last
parents
and individuals who should practice Use synonyms
healthy
lifestyle. Add an article
a healthy
For example
; those Linking Words
children
and Use synonyms
parents
who made their Use synonyms
children
practice Use synonyms
healthy
lifestyle becomes Correct article usage
a healthy
more
healthier free from Change the word
apply
heavy weight
and Correct your spelling
heavyweight
health
Use synonyms
problems
related to it. In Use synonyms
similar
manner, Change the article
a similar
schools
can play another major role after Use synonyms
parents
organizing Use synonyms
sports
weeks and different Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
competition
which Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
children
might find interesting.
To conclude, I believe that Use synonyms
parents
, Use synonyms
schools
and each individual should be more preventive and responsible regarding Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children
’s Use synonyms
health
and possible Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
problems
that obesity could bring. Use synonyms
Thus
, rather than blaming Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
all the time for everything, we should be more practical and take care of the Correct article usage
the government
children
as much as possible.Use synonyms
Submitted by ieltsmaterialof on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite