IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that violence films for you and encourage people to be violent . Others argue that violence and films are related because violence existed before films. Which of these opinions do you agree with, and to what extent do you agree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #violence #films
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, there is an ongoing debate about violent cinema as the reason that causes
people
Use synonyms
 to do harm. It is possible that some populations disagree violence is not literally from
movies
Use synonyms
, it still had in the past. I totally agree with these.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasoning behind my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
, there are several reasons to explain why I agree that violence was happened before making
movies
Use synonyms
. The most thing is during the few past decades, before having entertainment industry,
movies
Use synonyms
 there is newspaper to tell
people
Use synonyms
 what things are going on and nowadays, we can search from social media
such
Linking Words
 as Google, Facebook, Twitter which had news about the investigation of policemen or folks to find the murder.
This
Linking Words
 means that many events in the past had theif and bad
people
Use synonyms
. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 is Cee
Aui
Correct your spelling
Ali
Audi
 who was a Thai soldier and almost killed by enemies on August 1553, at that time lacking food and water, he decided to go to Muan, the rural village, as well as find some food. While he found a child and killed him in order to decrease his starving. I have found some research showed information regarding the main reason what causes
people
Use synonyms
 to be violent. It can be seen that mental disorders from an inefficient brain can bring
people
Use synonyms
 to do bad things.
However
Linking Words
, entertainment from books, music , television rarely affect humans behaviour. At the end of the day, I firmly believe that
movies
Use synonyms
 cannot encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to be harmful, bloody-minded.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, if they are psychopaths, they will have bad behaviour.
Submitted by pimonsaksing on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: