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Band 6.5

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Education)

#people #art #subjects #school #students #education
Some people hold the thought that
art
-related
subjects
such
 as drawing or painting are unnecessary for high
school
students
. In my perspective, I believe that
art
subjects
 should be optional,
therefore
,
students
 can focus on their main
subjects
. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some benefits from attending
art
 classes.
Firstly
,
art
subjects
 help
students
 to think outside the box and be more creative.
Also
, it requires
students
 to experiment with many different methods so that their solving-problems skills can be enhanced.
Moreover
, they are considered as calm activities which help
students
 relieve stress and anxiety.
According to
 universities, the levels of anxiety in
art
 attendees are lower than in non-attending ones.
However
, time which is spent on
art
 classes should be allocated to other crucial
subjects
.
To begin
 with, high
school
students
 have to learn a lot of
subjects
 to pass the university exam.
Therefore
, they should have more chances to concentrate on core
subjects
 like math, science, and literature.
Additionally
, schools should not give
art
 classes to
students
 who are not interested in drawing and painting.
Consequently
, these
students
 may feel bored and wasting time, others may consider it as pressure because of their limitations and capabilities.
To sum up
, learning
art
 provides considerable benefits for high
school
students
.
However
,
this
 only benefits those who are into drawing and painting, forcing
students
 to learn undesirable
subjects
 results in negative attitudes among
students
. High
school
students
 should be free to choose their interest subject and
also
 they need more time to focus on vital
subjects
.
Submitted by nguyenhung1705mmt on

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Coherence
Strengthen the connection between ideas in paragraphs to enhance the logical structure.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your argument.
Task Achievement
Refine the language for clearer and more concise expressions of ideas.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, setting the context and summarizing the argument well.
Task Achievement
You addressed the task by discussing arguments for and against making art subjects compulsory, which shows a balanced approach.
Coherence
Main points are generally supported with reasons, contributing to the overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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