IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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Improving the overall
health
Use synonyms
 of the public is one of
critical
Add an article
the critical
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 objectives of many governments. Some people assume that increasing the number of
sport
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sports
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 and make them more accessible can help improve the general public
health
Use synonyms
.
Other
Correct pronoun usage
Others
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 believe that it is insufficient and other methods need to be combined in
order
Use synonyms
 to achieve
this
Linking Words
 goal. In my opinion, I tend to agree with the latter statement and I shall discuss both ideas and give my own personal view in the following paragraph.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those who have an affinity for building more
sport
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sports
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 facilities may think that physical activity is an effective method that helps improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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general
health
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. It is undeniable that doing regular exercises is vital to keep the body healthy, enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical strength, flexibility and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overall
health
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 condition. If sporty facilities are facilitated in an area, they can captivate more local residents especially youngsters and elderlies to join.
As a result
Linking Words
, it may become their daily habit which eventually
help
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helps
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 alleviate the sedentary lifestyles or risk of obesity in that area.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a public exercise
center
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centre
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 may
also
Linking Words
an
Add a missing verb
be an
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 ideal place for local inhabitants to socialize, build
rapports
Correct your spelling
rapport
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 with each other and ameliorate their mental
health
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other factors that may affect the public
health
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 status of the population. Raising the self-awareness and knowledge of the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
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 regarding healthy living habits and diseases prevention is
also
Linking Words
 crucial. To achieve
this
Linking Words
, authorities can raise the awareness of the citizens through educational campaigns, community meetings in
order
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 to ensure local residents understand the importance of healthy lifestyles as well as
update
Correct your spelling
updated
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 information about current disease
preventions
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prevention
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. Other methods that can be taken are to upgrade the current medical facilities in
order
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 to provide the best medical supports to the mob. In my opinion, a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 facility is an effective tool
that is
Linking Words
 beneficial for our
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is only effective when youngsters understand the importance and apply it correctly. In fact, it is not rare that many exercise
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 were shut down in some areas due to the lack of members. In conclusion, while I tend to agree that having sporty infrastructure is necessary for improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
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, governments should combine it with other factors in
order
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 to embrace
with
Change preposition
apply
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the complexity of the current public
health
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 challenges.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
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