IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

The population of the world has been increasing, leading to the demand for housing in the era of ongoing globalization. Numerous people suggest that public parks downtown should be converted
to
Change preposition
into
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 business or residential areas. I completely disagree with
this
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 standpoint.
To begin
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 with, green spaces in cities play a vital role in maintaining people’s health.
For example
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, trees absorb carbon dioxide and other chemicals;
as a result
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, they provide better air quality for city dwellers in urban gardens.
Therefore
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,
this
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 improvement can be crucial for those who are suffering from breathing disorders because of air pollution.
Furthermore
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, the playground is an ideal place for the local residents to exercise and stay fit.
For instance
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, regular exercise helps people to build strong bodies, boost their immune systems, and protect them from diseases.
Moreover
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,
gardens
Change the noun form
garden
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 areas make municipalities more visually appealing. If the downtown was only filled with skyscrapers, residential housing and business districts, people’s lives would be tedious;
whereas
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 the trees and flowers can make their lives more colourful and bring communities closer to nature.
Finally
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, I would argue that building accommodations and business centres in the parks is not a satisfactory option. In my opinion, the better solution is that the government should start building more industrial estate and residential land in the outskirts
instead
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 of already crowded downtown areas.
This
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 would not merely provide more employment opportunities in suburbs and boost economic growth but
also
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 relieve air pollution and traffic problems in cities. In conclusion, I passionately believe that public parks in the cities should be reserved as it is beneficial to both citizens and civic landscapes. Hopefully, the authorities will pay more attention and raise people's awareness in terms of its tremendous value.

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Task Response
While your introduction clearly states your position, consider including a brief overview of the main points you will discuss. This can help readers know what to expect in the following paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistent tenses throughout your essay. For example, in the sentence about trees absorbing carbon dioxide, ensure that the tense aligns with the overall narrative flow.
Task Response
Provide a bit more specificity in your examples, such as mentioning specific health benefits related to regular exercise, to further enhance the strength of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have a clear position and effectively express it throughout the essay. Your arguments are well-structured and relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of varied vocabulary and sentence structures enhances the overall quality of your writing.
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