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Band 4

In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #differences #home #country #sceneries #places #world #similarities
Travelling cannot be stopped since it is part of human
necessary
Replace the word
necessity
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. People take vocation to
other
Change the wording
another place
other places
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place
 to get a new vibe of
holiday
Add an article
the holiday
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 even though it will spend much money.
However
, nowadays technology has changed
place
 concepts by showing information about the characteristic of famous
place
 that interests many people
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that many vendors try to imitate their
tourism
place
.
This
 essay will figure how it can impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the possibility to open many tourisms
place
 rather than
negative
Add an article
the negative
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 impact of imitating vibe.
First
 of all, technology is bringing many opportunities to
tourism
vendor
Fix the agreement mistake
vendors
show examples
 to advertise their attraction. Picture as, Sari Ater Hot Spring Resort which is located in south Subang, West Java, has some similarities with
Maribaya
tourism
place
 in Bandung. They try to get their visitors who do not have enough money to get
vocation
Add an article
a vocation
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 in
Maribaya
 that the ticket is higher than Sari Ater.
In addition
, they provide some facilities like
Maribaya
,
such
 as Horse Back Archery, cycling area, villa, and cooking class that are the best venue that they have. They use information from
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to imitate
Maribaya
’s
attaction
Correct your spelling
attraction
attention
.
Secondly
,
Add an article
a Photo
the Photo
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Photo booth
Correct your spelling
Photobooth
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
tourism
Correct article usage
a tourism
show examples
place
 that can be a reason why many tourists come to that
place
. Some vocations in Indonesia have similarities of their photo booth’s concept,
bird
Change the noun form
birds
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 nest concept
for example
.
This
 venue can easily find in
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
tourism
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 especially in Bandung, like
Maribaya
, Sari Ater, The
Rinch
Correct your spelling
Ranch
, and Floating Market. Even though it
is not be
Change the verb form
is not
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main attraction, it cannot decrease for people interested to visit for taking their photo with family. In the end, we cannot almost find disadvantage of similarities scenery in
tourism
place
. The visitors are still coming to spend their time with family or friends.
Submitted by auzanghiffari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Homogenization
  • Architectural uniformity
  • Cultural exchange
  • International brands
  • Tourism industry
  • Urban design
  • Economic development
  • Proliferation of media
  • Cultural norms
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