IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #criminals #level #education #people #crime #prison #job
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 number of people
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 that giving education to
a criminals
Correct the article-noun agreement
criminals
a criminal
show examples
 while they are in jails is the best way to decrease crime in the future because their higher education can make them get a better job after
arrested
Add a missing verb
being arrested
show examples
. I disagree with
idea
Add an article
the idea
an idea
show examples
 for my reason,
will
Correct pronoun usage
which will
show examples
 be described in the following paragraphs. Giving education to
prisoners
 is a good way to tackle the problems that related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an amount of crime in the societies, so they can
further
 their studies and be able to use the
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 for living their life in the future.
Moreover
, the most of courses
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provided to
prisoners
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 about insufficient
carreers
Correct your spelling
careers
carriers
 in the societies, so they can be ensured that they will get a job after being in prison.
However
, teaching in the prison is not the only
one
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
solution that can solve
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues, the people's perspective about former
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
 is important as well.
For example
, even former
prisoners
 do their job very well, they can be rejected or fired because they used to be in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail.
Hence
, if the outside can change their mindset about
prisoners
, it would be easier to reduce the crimes. In conclusion, I disagree with
this
 viewpoint since it seems just only one factor of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tackling problems, it would be more effective if other factors
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 adapted as well.
Submitted by thanathon.anmd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: