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Band 7.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #adolescents
Stepping into the 21st century, many celebrities tend to widen their popularity through the massive property and extravagant luxurious lifestyle rather than their successes in their professions.
However
, with the majority of fans from teenagers,
this
 leaves a controversial concern on the growing-up of them. Personally, to some extent, I agree that celebrities’ wealth has gone fairly over the top but in the other cases,
this
 statement does not reveal the whole scenario.
First
 and foremost, as many juveniles look up to their idols as a standard model to learn after,
this
 trend misdirects their total growing-up process . The most noticeable flaw is the improper materialistic viewpoint of others. By chasing down the appealing appearance, fancy luxuries the kids’ appreciation towards inner values
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 undermined.
For example
, many kids take these lifestyles as a standard to judge people based on their condition
instead
 of their characteristics or endeavour. In the long term,
this
 leads to the exacerbation of the whole operating system from the perspectives of the others.
However
, while some prefer to brighten up their reputation in
this
 way, many renowned still persistently transfer the positivity to their fans.
For example
, Bill Gates, a distinguished billionaire, with monumental contributions to
this
 digital world,
instead
 of showing off his uncountable budget, spreads the message of the real inner quality in his everyday image. He has the reputation for dressing up simply in casual inexpensive clothes many times in public which reminds both the teenagers
in particular
 and the society as a whole of cherishing the precious values inside the products
instead
 of the extravagant cost and ornamental meanings. In conclusion, I partly root for the opinion that many use wealth to be known by others, still there are many still spread the positive messages to the whole society as a whole.
Submitted by haioanhcongviec on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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