Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays a telephone has become the main equipment that
people
use all the time. Some people
think that children
spend most of their time on their mobile phones because this
gadget has many tools for what students want. In my opinion, this
trend could be both positive and negative in equal measure.
On the one hand, mobile phones are widely used in almost all countries and have become a part of daily life. For example
, when young people
live far apart with family or friends, the internet can help to communicate such
as video calls, messenger, and line. Moreover
, many applications on mobile phones for education whether it is BBC World News, 6-minute English, and TED the children
can learn through it. Besides
, online shopping is a mainstream activity for those who want to buy products, so they do not need to go shopping outside with their parents. It has usefulness in any way for help youngsters.
On the other hand
, some children
are addicted to their smartphones. For instance
, games online, make disconnect from their families or classmates. Young people
who spend a lot of time online cannot develop social and teamwork skills. Furthermore
, It has been used in the wrong way such
as comments bullying other people
, fake news, watching pornographic media, and deceiving others. Therefore
, parents should take care of their children
’s phone use.
In conclusion, there are many benefits and drawbacks to using the telephone so many children
ought to use it correctly to avoid negative consequences.Submitted by theejuta.b on
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coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow by structuring your paragraphs more effectively. Consider using topic sentences and concluding sentences for each paragraph to support the overall cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are explicitly stated and fully developed. This will make your essay more comprehensive and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes effectively, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You offer a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of smartphone usage by children.