Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays a telephone has become the main equipment that

people

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use all the time. Some

people

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think that

children

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spend most of their time on their mobile phones because

this

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gadget has many tools for what students want. In my opinion,

this

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trend could be both positive and negative in equal measure. On the one hand, mobile phones are widely used in almost all countries and have become a part of daily life.

For example

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, when young

people

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live far apart with family or friends, the internet can help to communicate

such

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as video calls, messenger, and line.

Moreover

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, many applications on mobile phones for education whether it is BBC World News, 6-minute English, and TED the

children

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can learn through it.

Besides

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, online shopping is a mainstream activity for those who want to buy products, so they do not need to go shopping outside with their parents. It has usefulness in any way for help youngsters.

On the other hand

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, some

children

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are addicted to their smartphones.

For instance

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, games online, make disconnect from their families or classmates. Young

people

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who spend a lot of time online cannot develop social and teamwork skills.

Furthermore

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, It has been used in the wrong way

such

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as comments bullying other

people

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, fake news, watching pornographic media, and deceiving others.

Therefore

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, parents should take care of their

children

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’s phone use. In conclusion, there are many benefits and drawbacks to using the telephone so many

children

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ought to use it correctly to avoid negative consequences.

theejuta.bMon Nov 18 2024

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coherence and cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow by structuring your paragraphs more effectively. Consider using topic sentences and concluding sentences for each paragraph to support the overall cohesion.

task achievement

Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.

task achievement

Ensure that your main points are explicitly stated and fully developed. This will make your essay more comprehensive and easier to understand.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes effectively, providing a good framework for your essay.

task achievement

You offer a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of smartphone usage by children.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a mall community?

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative development

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to Job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of Job satisfaction for all workers?

The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?