IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some‌ ‌people‌ ‌think‌ ‌young‌ ‌people‌ ‌are‌ ‌not‌ ‌suitable‌ ‌for‌ ‌important‌ ‌positions‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌government‌ ,‌ ‌while‌ ‌ other‌ ‌people‌ ‌think‌ ‌it‌ ‌is‌ ‌a‌ ‌good‌ ‌idea‌ ‌for‌ ‌young‌ ‌people‌ ‌to‌ ‌take‌ ‌on‌ ‌these‌ ‌positions.‌ ‌Discuss‌ ‌both‌ ‌views‌ ‌ and‌ ‌give‌ ‌your‌ ‌own‌ ‌opinion.‌

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 call for young
people
Use synonyms
’s undertaking significant jobs in government while opponents believe that juvenocracy brings detriments. I agree with the latter,
although
Linking Words
 the young play their roles in government agencies.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the younger
people
Use synonyms
 have a deficiency in practical experience, which leads to unrealistic policy formulation. The duty of vital administrating positions usually involves making key decisions and law revision with regard to public lives. Compared with the senior, these young
people
Use synonyms
 participate in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 grassroots work,
thus
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 not being acquainted with the impending stumbling blocks the masses facing currently and the trivial hindrances in practice.
For instance
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, they may make radical reforms that are too idealized and theoretical to implement, namely hard for ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 to adapt to, only to impede
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
execution efficiency.
That is
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 not to say employing youngsters for crucial posts in governmental agencies is unwarranted. They can add vigour to the nowadays administrations that are dominated by aged
people
Use synonyms
 with their innovative abilities.
For example
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, considering youth’s familiarity with the latest technologies, they can apply these productive tools to daily management
such
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 as audit procedures, thereby largely facilitates the process, which contributes to satisfaction of companies and citizens censored.
In contrast
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, older
people
Use synonyms
 are liable to stick to their original opinions and hard to keep pace with the times to take timely adjustment. Personally, I reckon that the juniors’ shortfall of maturity makes them less likely to handle a wide array of situations met frequently in
such
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 critical positions well. When facing urgent situations
such
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 as complaints from the public or emergent accidents, they may find lots of obstacles in balancing all parties for their dearth of interpersonal communicating skills.
Instead
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, they are prone to make impulsive decisions that only render a disservice. In conclusion, for the sake of stability, younger
people
Use synonyms
 are not equipped with adequate capability to hold important positions in government bodies, though they may bring a new look to current management.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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