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Band 4.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Many Countries health
manager
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managers
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 required the government to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the tax on junk
foods
 in order to control the public’s unhealthy eating habits.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 method and illustrates that would not be affordable due to some points.
Firstly
, homeless people would starve more than past and
secondly
,
this
 would not affect
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
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whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 consume every day outside of their house. Rising up the tariff for fast prepared
foods
 have side effects on
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
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 and persons who have lower incomes. In most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries, raw materials are highly valued which poor people prefer to consume junk and pre-cooked
foods
 rather than buying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organic
ones
 and cook them at home.
Therefore
, health issues would be purposeless toward their style of eating. Based on a survey in 2020 in Italy’s
Mc Donald
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McDonald
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 stores, 40% of the
costumers
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customers
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 were homeless
ones
whom
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who
show examples
 eat at least one meal per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day
in
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apply
show examples
there. As can be imagined, increasing tasks will make poor
ones
 stay hungry and that may cause social disorders like indigestive illnesses. In crowded and big cities everyone has
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
show examples
 schedule
also
 they stay outside of their home for more than eight hours
thus
 they do not have enough time to cook meals at home and stay in the kitchen for a long time. Increasing taxes would not have any good impacts on employees since they will pay for their feeding consumption no matter how expensive it could be. In Tokyo, 90% of people eat in restaurants since time is precious for them and it is highly
essentially
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essential
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 to spend it wisely. To sum it up, levy
Add an article
a tariff
show examples
tariff
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tariffs
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 on junk
foods
 and get duty from restaurants would not have any positive effect. In conclusion,
consuming
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a consuming
the consuming
show examples
 system of a society is really important to feed each person of it equally without raising up the fee. It is mandatory, Both
group
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groups
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 of
less
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fewer
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 incomers and workers feed themselves
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 pre-cooked meals anytime they want. I strongly disagree to pay higher taxes for fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
Submitted by farrinprad on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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