IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
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To certain
people
Use synonyms
 claim that all call records and messages of mobile phones should
be reach
Change the verb form
be reached
be reaching
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 by
governments
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 for national security.
However
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, those who disagree said it is private
information
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 and
governments
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 have not rights to
access
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with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
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 any permission.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides as well as my point of view. Many
people
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 believe that
governments
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 could
access
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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information
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 for several reasons.
First
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 of all, they think it might reduce
a
Correct article usage
the
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 crime rate in societies. To explain,
governments
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 can prevent crimes before taking place by monitoring and detecting cell phone activities.
Also
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,
this
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information
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improve
Change the verb form
improves
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a
Remove the article
apply
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national security. A good example is a terrorist. If
governments
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 can
access
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 all data, many tragedies would not occur in the world.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think
governments
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 should not do so. Without any permission of
people
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,
governments
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 cannot
access
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 it even for safety reasons.
This
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 is because both calling records and messages
in
Change preposition
on
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people
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's
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 are private
information
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. It is covered by
a
Correct article usage
apply
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civil
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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 law.
As a result
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, before obtaining and using private
information
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such
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like
Change preposition
as
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 these records,
governments
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 have to receive all
people
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's consent. In conclusion, it cannot be denied that
governments
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 have to
access
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 personal
information
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 for preventing crimes and terrorists.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly believe that
this
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 is an invasion of privacy. There are a number of alternative ways to enhance a
safety
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safe
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 environment for societies
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For
Add the comma(s)
,For
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 instance,
increaseing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 more
police men
Correct your spelling
policemen
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 and improving
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 database. I believe it is better than invading personal privacy.
Submitted by molwan_tae on

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