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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances

#show #changes #ownership #appliances
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The graphs show the increase in the percentage of
households
 with electrical appliances (washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 and
vacuum
 cleaners) and the
decease
Correct your spelling
decrease
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of
Change preposition
in
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amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of time doing chores from 1920 to 2019. In 1920, the proportion of
households
 with washing machines stood at 40%, which was 10% higher than
households
 with refrigerators and nearly 38% higher than
households
 with
vacuum
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a vacuum
the vacuum
show examples
cleaner
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cleaners
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. Compared to the steady increase
usage
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in usage
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 of
vacuum
 cleaners from 1920 to 1060, the percentage of
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 indicated dramatically jump during the same period.
However
,
while
 the figures for
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 grew to about 100% in 1980 and remained unchanged until 2019, the figure for washing
machine
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machines
show examples
 experienced fluctuation
during
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from
show examples
 1940 to 1980, gradually rising to 68% in 2019.
Along with
 the
overall
 increasing trend of home electrical appliances throughout the given period, the number of housework hours has been gradually reduced from 50 hours per week to 10 hours per week, nearly five times lesser than
the
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in the
show examples
 year
of
Change preposition
apply
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1920.
Overall
, the rising percentage of
household
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households
show examples
 owning washing machines, refrigerators and
vacuum
 cleaners has helped families to save more time to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 chores in
this
 country.
Submitted by liu_yuanyuan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words households, vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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