IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People like working for a company rather than starting their own business. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage people to start their own business?

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Nowadays, so many
people
Use synonyms
 do not prefer starting their own
businesses
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 but
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 go for working in companies and being employed. There are so many reasons as to why they do so as I am going to discuss in the upcoming fragments. The
first
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 one is that currently,
people
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 do not want to undertake risks that are involved in starting up
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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business
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 companies. They fear the losses that shall occur in the future or even during the beginning of the
business
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such
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 as
unable
Add a missing verb
being unable
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 to pay for the taxes which will be imposed on the premises of the
business
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.
Secondly
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, carrying out new
businesses
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 is expensive.
This
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 is due to the plots and lands having high rates of prices to be bought by the
people
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 who cannot afford
for example
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 the middle class and the poor. The costs of production
also
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 being high and the need to employ extensive labour which will not be cheap
thus
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 leading to pressure and stress to the owner of the
business
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. In
this
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 case,
people
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 restrain from
such
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kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of situations which they are unable to handle.
Therefore
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, in order to encourage
people
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 to start their own
businesses
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, the government should provide loans and funds for the potential investors and reduce taxes
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are levied on
businesses
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. In developing
this
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 kind of investment, cheap methods should be created to run these
businesses
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. In conclusion, the government needs to play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various important roles in promoting
businesses
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 to be carried out by the
people
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 and secure them for the future.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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