IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In past, museums stored information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through the internet. And therefore, there is no need to go into museums. Do you agree or disagree.

#museums #information #culture #history #internet
Back in time
museums
 were well-known for providing all generations with various types of
information
 about different things,
such
 as culture and history. Nowadays ,
however
 technology has improved in a way that with only a click from anywhere you are, tones of
data
 will be transferred to your device. Some would say because of modern society and all its facilities, there is no need to visit
museums
 anymore. I personally disagree to some extent.
To begin
 with, it must be indicated that
although
museums
 cannot be as practical as in previous times , they are still valuable to some people. Some groups might only seek
information
 and how they reach it is not very important,
hence
 they only surf the internet and receive the needed
data
.
On the other hand
, there are still some individuals who are looking for something beyond
information
. They seek the ambience and atmosphere, and
that is
 why they choose to go to
museums
.
For instance
, many history students crave seeing objects in person and up close so they can feel the livelihood of those ancient years.
Additionally
,
museums
 are great places for
tourists
 to learn about a nation's customs and culture. Not only will foreigners enjoy spending time walking in the
museums
' ailles, but it will
also
 help the government with its budget.
Furthermore
, if you shut those buildings down not only will some natives and
tourists
 be affected, but you
also
 will make the government face some difficulties with the earnings from the tourism industry. As the statistics show, the Louvre museum is one the most visited places in Paris and each year more
tourists
 tend to go there.
Although
 they can have
information
 about all those objects online, they prefer having in-person tours there and get the
data
 from those displays. In conclusion, we have to admit that modern ways can bombard us with
information
 but it must not be forgotten that not all people are just looking for raw
data
. They look for more things
such
 as ambience.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
tourists
 and the government are benefiting from
such
 museum tours and visits, so they must be kept the way they are and should actually be well taken care of.
Submitted by kianarastinew1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: