IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #habits #lifestyle #children #generations #people #effect #health
Nowadays
children
 are more addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 fast
food
 and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
style
. Most parents think
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 as a positive development without knowing the demerits. I personally disagree with
this
 habit of
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 since it can cause many
health
issues
 in future.
This
 essay will
explan
Correct your spelling
explain
 about
this
 topic in detail.
To begin
 with, today's
generation
 became more unhealthy than past because of city
life
. The living
style
 of city people is entirely different from the countryside humans.
Children
 are becoming busy because of heavy school works and not finding time for themselves to even play during weekdays.
However
,
weekends
Change preposition
at weekends
show examples
 they will be busy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing computer or mobile games. Perhaps, lacking physical activities can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to many
health
issues
 likes obesity or even social withdrawing. To exemplify, inactiveness can hurt physical
health
 as well as mental
health
worstly
Correct your spelling
worst
 when days go.
Furthermore
, present
generation
 kids are not lucky to enjoy homely
food
 because of working parents. Due to their tight working
schedule
Add a comma
,schedule
show examples
 many parents are depending
fast
Change preposition
on fast
show examples
food
 centres to feed their
children
.
Moreover
,
this
 became the habit of the
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 once they adapted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 outside
food
 styles. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
frequent intakes of
restraunt
Correct your spelling
restaurant
food
 may cause many
health
issues
 to the
children
 because of added
food
 colours and preservatives. To exemplify, many
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 are struggling with stomach or colon cancer due to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 habits. To sum up, sedentary
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
style
 and non-healthy
food
 habits are real
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
issues
 to the growing
generation
. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with the point that, eating habits and living
style
 of
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
generation
 has changed a lot and it is causing lots of
health
issues
 too.
Submitted by divyahemakumar2017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: