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Band 6.5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”

#people #lawbreakers #prison #alternatives
The way to punish
crime
 has caused a heated debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 all criminals deserve to serve a prison sentence or
there
Correct word choice
whether there
show examples
 are better alternatives. From my perspective,
although
 both measures have their own benefits, a flexible solution is highly recommended. On the one hand, imprisonment can help reduce the number of
crimes
 significantly. First of all, jailing is one of the most effective ways to punish and educate prisoners. Thanks to long prison time and harsh punishment, prisoners might not re-offend for fear of being detained again. As a matter of fact, there are statistics that show a large percentage of ex-prisoners after being released have turned into good citizens and successfully reintegrated into society. Second of all, long prison time
also
 acts as a deterrent to those who have the intention to commit
crimes
. They want to embark on a path of
crime
 because they have not realized how harsh punishments are.
Consequently
, people would give up the thought of engaging in illegal acts.
On the other hand
, there are several better ways to deal with
crimes
 that should be suitable for each case. First of all, those committing petty
crimes
 should be educated rather than imprisoned.
This
 is because there are numerous reasons leading to a path of
crime
such
 as poverty or lack of education.
Therefore
, the government should establish vocational schools for these criminals so they can get decent jobs and stable lives.
Secondly
, the authorities can make use of talented prisoners.
For instance
,
a
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for a
show examples
convict who is caught because of hacking into the system
of
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apply
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the police must have expertise in cyber security.
Therefore
, if the police offer him a job in
this
 area he will have opportunities to be a productive member of society. In conclusion, the ultimate purpose of any law is to create a better society, so for each
crime
, we should strive to find the most appropriate action that reduces any future harm.
Submitted by lekhanhhoa1208 on

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task response
Ensure a clear and direct response to all aspects of the essay question
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and organized structure throughout the essay, with effective use of linking words and cohesive devices

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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