IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that watching TV causes weight problems in children. Do you agree with this view? What solution you can suggest to tackle children’s weight problem?

#people #tv #weight #children #children’s
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It is thought by some people that
weight
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problems
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 in
children
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 are caused by watching
TV
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. While I agree that excessive hours in front of the
TV
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 can contribute to
this
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 problem,
diet
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also
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 plays a role.
Furthermore
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,
weight
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problems
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 can only be dealt with by tackling the issues behind them.
Firstly
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, I think that
although
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 watching
TV
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 in itself does not actually cause
children
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 to gain
weight
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, spending too much time each day sitting in front of the
TV
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 without doing exercise can result in
weight
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problems
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.
In other words
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, inactivity and a sedentary lifestyle are directly linked to
problems
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 with obesity.
Secondly
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,
however
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,
weight
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problems
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 are
also
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 compounded by a poor
diet
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 consisting of a lack of healthy meals and too many processed foods containing high levels of fats and sugars.
This
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 comes from both
children
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 and parents making poor dietary choices that lack fresh whole foods. Both lack of exercise and poor
diet
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 directly contribute to
weight
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problems
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 in
children
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. There are two obvious solutions to dealing with childhood obesity. One answer is to reduce the amount of inactivity in a child's life by cutting out hours spent either watching
TV
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 or on electronic devices, and use that time to participate in physical activities. By doing
this
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,
children
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 will burn off excess calories which will drastically reduce their
weight
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. Altering a child's
diet
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 is another measure that can be taken to tackle
this
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 issue. Parents should be more proactive in producing healthier meals and reducing the amount of junk food available in the house. It might
also
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 be sensible to encourage
children
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 to take part in the cooking process which ought to ensure they grow up being able to produce their own balanced meals In conclusion, by introducing
children
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 to sports and other physical activities as well as providing them with a better
diet
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, these measures can counteract the causes of childhood obesity
Submitted by nalindaliyanage on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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