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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believes that professional, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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It is often believed that
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 should
work
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 in the native
country
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 where they learned and practised. Some people are pessimistic about
this
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 since it is the individual choice to decide. I partially support the latter view, for they are able to advance their
skills
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 when they
work
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 in a
country
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 they choose themselves regardless of the growing demand for domestic skilful
workers
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. On the one hand,
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 should
work
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 in their home
country
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 as there is a higher demand for them for their trust.
In other words
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, domestic
workers
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 with sophistication are more respected than foreign
workers
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 as their
skills
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 meet national criteria, which ensures their accomplishment.
For example
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, Japanese
doctors
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 are preferred by patients in a
country
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 because they are more trusted as they are thought to be well-trained in Japanese hospitals that they are familiar with.
Thus
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, patients often feel more relaxed thanks to their better understanding of their health conditions.
On the other hand
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, highly skilful
workers
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 should choose the
country
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 of
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 employment of their own will, considering individual needs and purposes to achieve. Indeed, they will be more motivated to enhance their
skills
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 when they are employed in other countries they select, trying to solve more diverse problems outside their own
country
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.
For instance
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,
engineers
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 will be more stimulated by the unique design of foreign houses, which allows them to have more creative ideas and techniques to satisfy international customers.
Consequently
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,
this
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 leads to a greater sense of pride after they accomplish more demanding jobs than national ones. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 should select the
country
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 of their own employment
due to
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 more opportunities they could gain to brush up their
skills
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.
However
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, the growing importance of domestic
workers
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 with national certificates encourages more people to
work
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 in their home
country
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and foreshadows the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs to enhance coherency.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine sentence structures to avoid minor grammatical errors and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses both views and provides a well-rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written, providing a strong start and ending to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples and explanations, particularly in the body paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • brain drain
  • expatriates
  • repay
  • enhanced
  • remittances
  • international cooperation
  • cultural diversity
  • global best practices
  • economic incentives
  • working conditions
  • political stability
  • human right
  • freedom of movement
  • investment in education
  • skill shortage
  • career growth
  • push and pull factors
  • migration
  • global health crises
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