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Writing Samples
Band 6

some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one?

#schools #phones #development
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I think it is a positive one to take away with the mobile
phone
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 in some
schools
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. Because the
phone
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 is taking a horrible role in studying career, we can’t focus on and pay full attention in learning
time
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.
On the other hand
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, the radiation of mobile
phones
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 is not tiny to the eyes;
thus
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, I prefer to confiscate
phones
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.   The
phone
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 is taking place with books and magazines, and everyone is stuck. So the
schools
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 can help the parents to supervise their children to become self-disciplined. Children in
this
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 age group are not very concentrated on homework and working
time
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,
therefore
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, so many people choose another way to educate their kids.
Such
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 as, find a personal teacher to teach their kids or sent their kids to a strict school.
However
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, most parents prefer the
second
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 one, and
schools
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 always have a complete system to manage students more strictly. Like, the
phone
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 will be confiscated every day, and
then
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 returned to you when you need it urgently.
That is
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a
Change the article
the
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 main reason to support my point.   According to the report, there are more and more people are nearsighted
in
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apply
show examples
nowadays. Electronic products are the main accomplices, especially
phones
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 is the leading one. Focusing on your
phone
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 for a long
time
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 will only make your eyes more and more tired.
For example
Linking Words
, if you have to use a computer for study, going to the
phone
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 during the break will only make your eyes worse. All in all, the vision of the eye is the most important part of the health system.   I agree the
schools
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 create a rule for “
phone
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time
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 using”, and I hope the
schools
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 will strictly enforce the removal of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rhj30260987 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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