The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

Indubitably, being healthy and fit is considered to be the toughest job for many individuals. It is often argued that the increasing number of obesity in humans is certainly imposing additional pressure on the healthcare system, and

hence

Linking Words

a few people believe that fitness must be encouraged through introducing physical training as part of the educational curriculum at schools.

However

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, I partially agree with the given notion.

Body paragraph 1

Apparently, introducing gymnastics at a young age to realize the importance of staying fit holds a wide range of constructive benefits.

To begin

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with, children comprehend the importance of physical fitness at the nascent stage of their lives and if the courses are conditioned to be mandatory, they will compose practical and theoretical teaching; emphasis on theoretical training will encourage the young minds to pay attention to what they are consuming in a day, how healthy it is for them.

Secondly

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, physical education classes will

also

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inculcate discipline to the disciples, kids will not only learn about fitness but

also

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implement their learnings quite strictly in their lives. To exemplify, a child who learns the repercussions of over-eating, combined with lack of exercise will train themselves to lead a healthy lifestyle for a

longer-term

Correct your spelling

longer term

show examples

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, to argue that exercise will curb the concern of rapidly growing obesity is not justified. Chiefly because, the primary cause for overweight is the increasing number of fast-

foodfood

Correct your spelling

food food

good food

outlets, ignorance towards the negative implications of junk food on health is evident with every new outlet

that is

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introduced in the market. Fast-

foodfood

Correct your spelling

food food

chains can definitely offer healthier alternatives to junk food.

Moreover

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, the lenient attitude of the government towards advertisements that probe people to buy sugary drinks and high-food content must be reprimanded;

such

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advertisements must be controlled or altogether be banned. The state must remind the public about the health risks posed by consuming unhealthy foods. To illustrate

further

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, all Indian movies display a statutory warning when they are showing a scene that involves cigarettes or alcohol, similar caution must be replicated when advertisements create hype around unhealthy food habits.

Conclusion

To recapitulate, physical training must not be held solely responsible to solve the trouble of obesity, and enough attention must

also

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be given to inhabiting a healthy eating pattern amongst the people.

shubhambhanot29

Sep 8, 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

378 words

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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up-to-date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

these days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games instead of sports. Why? It is a positive or negative development?

Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Some people think that uniforms in schools are unnecessary and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the best manager are people who are warm and friendly to their staff. Do you agree or disagree State your reasons, with relevant examples or experience