IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that travelling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #waste #time #money
Tourism became
indispensable
Add an article
an indispensable
show examples
 part of each developed country since the beginning of 21 century. There were
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of transportation ways, which have developed during
this
 period.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it is still cheap for
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 part of people.
Therefore
 some people argue that it is
unwise
Add an article
an unwise
the unwise
show examples
 way of spending money, while others say that it has more benefits from
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and it is worth it. I argue with the
second
 one.
First
 of all, tourism is expensive
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 ways. Transport is one of them. A fuel for
plane
Add an article
the plane
a plane
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 is difficult to create, so it cost more than
usual
Correct article usage
the usual
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 fuel. Other expenses depend
from
Change preposition
on
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 residence, prices and souvenirs.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 your holiday depends
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 weather, other
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 and traffic.
Besides
, it
destroy
Change the verb form
destroys
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 the native area.
On the other hand
, tourism gives some crucial experience for our life, which will be essential
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
For instance
 an understanding
foreign
Change preposition
of foreign
show examples
 culture, language and developing an outlook. So
this
 improves our skills,
such
 as communication, adaptation and learning.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we can take something new from other countries and share experience about some spheres. Nowhere you couldn’t get
this
 unique knowledge. In conclusion, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
cost and other reasons, received impressions and something new from travelling pays off it all. And do not think about its
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • broadens horizons
  • cultural exposure
  • tolerance
  • self-reliance
  • overcoming challenges
  • language proficiency
  • sustainable tourism
  • environmental footprint
  • cultural homogenization
  • commercialization
  • responsible travel
  • global understanding
  • eco-friendly practices
  • accessible alternatives
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