IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Developed countries should help poor nations . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #nations
Some people claim that
encouragement
Correct article usage
the encouragement
show examples
 of poverty
countries
 should be assisting by wealthy nations.
However
, globalization must care about these nations starvation issues and it is essential for their exists.
Thus
, I strongly agree that assist them could make good international relations with them when it develops.
Firstly
, cuisine and medicine are
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
determinant
Fix the agreement mistake
determinants
show examples
 of human
survive
Replace the word
survival
show examples
 and depend on each other give many pros. Helping underdeveloped
countries
 can lead to good ally between
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 and benefit both
countries
 in many
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, the country like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, and many more helping scarcity
countries
such
 as Africa to export their supply and water with condition that they have to grow some plants in the land of
village
Add an article
the village
show examples
. African coffee is the obvious
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 to solve the problems and both gain advantage from it.
These product
Change the determiner
This product
These products
show examples
 can be
auction
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an auction
show examples
 in
global
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the global
show examples
 market and give
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of income.
Secondly
,
rescue
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the rescue
show examples
 of illness people in poorness
countries
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 knowledge and ability. Rarity disease mostly was found in
these country
Change the determiner
this country
these countries
show examples
, so cure from developed
countries
 can improve advance of technology in
medical
Change the article
a medical
show examples
 way. Some regions have no hospitals so doctors have been sent to help them. These make them more experience in primary patients and critical cases. In my opinion, it's important for
Add an article
the community
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 to help each other. Helping doesn't mean only give it
also
 gain benefits together in economy and existence.
Lastly
, developed
countries
also
 gain things in education way to progress the vaccine or medical innovation to prepare some ailment that might happen in own citizen in future.
Submitted by pbupph on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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