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Band 7

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
Income is the thing
people
 considered most and all professionals would earn a lot of
money
 than others but why successful
sports
 professions can earn more than any others. Most
people
 agree that it is unfair for other important professions to earn less
money
 than successful sportsmen. Personally, I think it is completely justified since they need to work hard and need more time to practice and need a lot of mistakes to learn from.
First
 of all, the way to become a successful
sports
 professional is not easy since they need to learn from the mistake.
Moreover
, there are not only practices to make them become perfect but they
also
 need their health and encouragement both physically and mentally. There are a lot of
people
 who dreamed to become professional sportsmen but because they cannot because they lacked some qualifications.
For example
, you are a disorder so you have Parkinson’s disorder so you cannot play some
sports
.
This
 showed there are so tremendously factors before you can become
a professional sport
Correct the article-noun agreement
a professional sport sport
professional sport sports
show examples
sports
; not everyone can easily be.
Furthermore
, the
money
 that they received might be a huge amount of
money
 in other
people
’s perspective but in professional sport’s families might think that it does not worthwhile at all; they toneed live their life at a risk that no one can tell if they going to faint. They have to endure and receive the expectations, pressure, and the glory of their teams from their fans, family, as well as themselves. Most
people
 pay attention to what they will get more than what they lose. In conclusion,
people
 pay attention to the
money
 because it was the desire of humane but never thinking back on what they lost so I strongly believed that nothing comes easily if you did not put effort into it.
Submitted by chansatid on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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