IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #companies #products #trend #quality #life
Nowadays, thanks to globalization, multinational
companies
 are increasing their power and they are becoming more
influent
Replace the word
influential
show examples
 in modern society, as a consequence that some
people
considere
Correct your spelling
consider
this
 trend as negative with potential damage for the community. In
this
 essay, I am going to explain the reason why I strongly disagree with the statement.
Firstly
, I think that
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
companies
 in the world have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge power in influencing
people
 and not only their
coustumer
Correct your spelling
customer
customers
,
for example
, if a multinational develop
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new software for improving the features of mobile phone,
all the
Add the word(s)
but all the people also
show examples
people
 take advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 resource and other
companies
 will try to copy for making
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
.
Moreover
, in my opinion, I believe that
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of company made up one of the biggest
contibution
Correct your spelling
contribution
 to the economy due to the fact that they hire several
people
 for
prividing
Correct your spelling
providing
 services,
for instance
, if we think about all the Apple
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 we will be
surpise
Correct your spelling
surprise
 about the number of
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 who work there.
Although
 some
people
 argued that multinational could be a dangerous trend, others believe that thanks to globalisation we can buy whatever we want with a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 money, in fact, industrial
pruduction
Correct your spelling
production
 allow us to purchase products that we can not afford if they
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made by an
artigian
Correct your spelling
artisan
Artinian
. In conclusion, as I said, multinational
companies
 could be a great
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for modern society in light of the fact that several
people
 can work for them and
in
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 they
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 the economy
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
people
shuold
Correct your spelling
should
 not be scared about their power or their influence in government’s decisions.
Submitted by edogiova01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: