Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that some commentators believe that
pupils
should stay on at
school
up to they are 18. I totally agree with
this
point of view, despite some arguments for quitting
school
in earlier years. There are some reasons why some
pupils
should quit
school
.
Firstly
,
instead
of pursuing higher education at university or college, a large number of people only follow vocational courses to enter trades
such
as plumbers and electricians or professions
such
as nursing, since there is graduate unemployment in the global economy.
Thus
, these
children
may fall behind
their
Change preposition
in their

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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studies or even disrupt lessons.
Secondly
, the family background should be considered. In poor families, many
pupils
must earn money to contribute to the family income.
Moreover
, Not all parents can afford their
children
to continue their studies until they are 18.
However
, I concur with those who argue that
pupils
should continue to study at
school
up to 18. The
first
reason is that the provision of a wide range of courses would make learning meaningful
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker so that. Consider removing the comma.

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so that
children
can put the knowledge gained at
school
into practice at their workplaces in the future.
In addition
, the job market is becoming more competitive and demands workers with high educational qualifications and skills. Another reason is that
children
is
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are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject children. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the shapers of the nations tomorrow,
thus
they all must have a chance to continue to study at
school
until they are 18. Because of
this
, national and local authorities should provide funding for poor families to maintain their
children
at
school
. In conclusion, I believe that It is necessary for
pupils
to continue
school
until they are 18.
Submitted by nhatrangthanyeu2013 on

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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