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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#adults #time #computer #games #development
There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online gaming may have a deep impact on our today’s society. In
this
 essay, I will expound
about
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on
show examples
 the
reason
 behind the addiction
of
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to
show examples
computer
games
. Not only
this
 but
also
 I will shed light on my opinion in
second
Change the article
the second
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 paragraph. Initiating with the possible
reason
 for the addiction, the most significant
reason
 is the voice chats in multiplayer
games
 due to which they can
also
 communicate with friends,
this
 makes
games
 more intense. To cite an example, PUBG is the most popular game in India because of the special features like voice chat approximately every single person in India is playing
this
 game.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 contribution factor, people are making
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 from all over the world and purchasing expensive things
in
Add a hyphen
in-game
show examples
Add an article
the game
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 to look more professional.
As a result
,
computer
 gamers are increasing day by day. I totally accord that
this
 is a negative development, there are plethora
reasons
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of reasons
show examples
 to share.
First
 and foremost, people are dramatically moving toward
gaming
Correct article usage
the gaming
show examples
 industry
instead
 of
other important field
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another important field
other important fields
show examples
such
 as science and technology which can be
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 development. To illustrate, according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Youtube’s data, there is about 40% of growth in new gaming
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 and most of them do not have more than 100 views which can be
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 unemployment. Apart
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that, the effect of
computer
games
 on people’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 is shocking, they are attacking their friends with
real
Add an article
a real
show examples
knife
Fix the agreement mistake
knives
show examples
,
however
, some
games
also
 promote suicide. As consequence,
computer
games
 are killing productivity as well as talent. To summarize the composition, the essay
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons for
addiction
Correct article usage
the addiction
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
computer
games
 as well as my point of view.
Submitted by jatinkochar1993 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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