Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online gaming may have a deep impact on our today’s society. In
this
essay, I will expound
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
reason
behind the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
computer
games
. Not only
this
but
also
I will shed light on my opinion in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
paragraph. Initiating with the possible
reason
for the addiction, the most significant
reason
is the voice chats in multiplayer
games
due to which they can
also
communicate with friends,
this
makes
games
more intense. To cite an example, PUBG is the most popular game in India because of the special features like voice chat approximately every single person in India is playing
this
game.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
contribution factor, people are making
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
from all over the world and purchasing expensive things
in
Add a hyphen
in-game
show examples
Add an article
the game
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
to look more professional.
As a result
,
computer
gamers are increasing day by day. I totally accord that
this
is a negative development, there are plethora
reasons
Change preposition
of reasons
show examples
to share.
First
and foremost, people are dramatically moving toward
gaming
Correct article usage
the gaming
show examples
industry
instead
of
other important field
Change the wording
another important field
other important fields
show examples
such
as science and technology which can be
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
development. To illustrate, according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Youtube’s data, there is about 40% of growth in new gaming
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
and most of them do not have more than 100 views which can be
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
unemployment. Apart
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
that, the effect of
computer
games
on people’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
is shocking, they are attacking their friends with
real
Add an article
a real
show examples
knife
Fix the agreement mistake
knives
show examples
,
however
, some
games
also
promote suicide. As consequence,
computer
games
are killing productivity as well as talent. To summarize the composition, the essay
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons for
addiction
Correct article usage
the addiction
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
computer
games
as well as my point of view.
Submitted by jatinkochar1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: