IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#research #food #products #cigarettes #countries
There is a controversial notion heating a debate over the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overeating is as harmful as smoking. Due to that, the commercial of certain food products must be prohibited
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a similar way as the advertising of cigarettes in several countries. In my very belief, I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
 idea. It cannot be denied that advertising of food products play a hugely significant role in the economy’s development of a nation. Obviously, eating is one of the most natural activities of humans. People have to eat 3 times a day to maintain strong health which will help them alive and do others works in a day. The wide advertisement of nutrient merchandise will reach more and more people which lead the consumers to have a tendency to actively buy these goods immediately. The more orders are accepted, the more profits that companies can gain.
This
 phenomenon will do a great wonder for the economic situation. While the redeeming feature of
food’s
 commercials is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 drawbacks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are ignored. Evidently, there are many
food’s
 advertisements broadcasted without any inspection. They may have some toxic substances which can exacerbate the client’s health.
Moreover
, the
largely
Replace the word
largest
show examples
 of
food’s
 commercial will make people decide to buy more products than their
truly
Change the adverb
true
show examples
 demand. Because of buying them, they will try to eat all the whole things which will make their health become more serious health’s conditions as much as smoking
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
. To sum up, the
food’s
 advertisements may act as a precursor of the economy’s situation.
However
, the Government have to manage it in stricter ways.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: