IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don’t go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, most of the moms are not going to work because they are looking after their family.
Although
Linking Words
 many folks agree that they should be paid by the
government
Use synonyms
 I strongly believe that taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their own family should not be a burden to the state. Having a family can be difficult especially if the parents are working at the same time. One way or the other, there should be a time when both partners will decide who will stay
home
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the family especially if they have children.
This
Linking Words
 said, the moms usually stay
home
Use synonyms
 because they know better how to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their kids.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has nothing to do with the decisions the parents make for the family. And
also
Linking Words
 it’s the responsibility of the mother to stay
home
Use synonyms
 and look after the kids to make sure they are safe and sound.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, If the
government
Use synonyms
 will pay for the salaries of each and every mother staying at
home
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will be a big cut on the budget that needs to be funded for other needs of the people. And
instead
Linking Words
 of helping the mothers
this
Linking Words
 might cause a bad reputation as it can trigger laziness and early pregnancies.
For example
Linking Words
, a study shows that in the Philippines, teenage marriage is increasing because the
government
Use synonyms
 are supporting them in terms of giving cash aid,
as a result
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of studying in school most are getting married at a very young age because they know that the
government
Use synonyms
 will help them. In a nutshell, it is the mothers’ choice to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the family and I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 do not need to pay them as it is their responsibility and it will create a bad image to others, especially to the young female students.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure to cover both sides of the argument even if the essay takes a clear position. This adds depth to your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate varying sentence structures and transition words to enhance flow and readability.
Introduction
The introduction clearly sets up your stance on the issue, engaging the reader immediately.
Conclusion
You've adeptly concluded your essay, reinforcing your main argument effectively.
Structure
Your essay has a solid structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.
Examples
Your use of examples, such as the situation in the Philippines, adds credibility and depth to your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: