In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge

Some
people
think governments should construct more railways than
roads
even if it costs more than building new highway
roads
.
Although
the
railway
has some advantages, I would disagree with
this
statement.
First
of all, I would like to write about my opinions on travelling by train. For passengers, it is comfortable to travel and costs less to buy tickets. But, for the government it costs too much to construct and take time to finish
this
type of project, especially building in a vast and rocky place like
Mongolia
which is my birth country. In
Mongolia
, cities are long-distance from each other, and the population is only three million. So, the
railway
projects will take time to regain the construction budget.
Also
, following train timetables to travel is not flexible for customers who have urgent needs.
On the other hand
, driving our own car on the highway is suited to
Mongolia
's condition.
Also
, it wastes less money than the
railway
and
possible
Add a missing verb
is possible

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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to build in
Add an article
the summer

The noun phrase summer time seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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Correct your spelling
summertime

The word summer time seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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summer time
Correct your spelling
summertime

The word summer time seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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, only for 3 months.
For example
, two years ago,
Mongolian
Correct article usage
the Mongolian

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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government had built a road to Khuvsgul
lake
Change the capitalization
Lake

It appears that the word lake may be a proper noun in this context. Consider capitalizing the word.

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, which is one of the famous travel spots of
Mongolia
, so many
people
went there with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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by
Change preposition
in

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their own
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars

It seems that car may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Also
, driving our own car gives us
freedom
Add an article
the freedom

The noun phrase freedom seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to stop whenever we need or go wherever we want.
This
is the main reason to choose to drive on
roads
. In conclusion, the government's
one of
Correct quantifier usage
apply

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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main duties and responsibilities is to create infrastructure to provide
people
’s needs. To create that public sector should do research and spend less money as possible. So building
roads
will continue unless
people
possess cars. The
railway
is used for some busy directions. Unfortunately, some
people
should agree that not all places
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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like big cities.
Submitted by claire.nguyen0506 on

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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