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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the government should provide assistance for artists such as musicians, painters, and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While
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 some people believe that
artists
Use synonyms
 should be given aid by the
government
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, others suggest that it is a drain on money.
This
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 essay will analyze both outlooks before concluding my personal viewpoint. On one hand, supporters of
government
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 aid argue that
artists
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 play a crucial role in preserving culture and promoting social well-being. Financial assistance enables talented
artists
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, especially the emerging ones to focus on their craft without the burden of economic insecurity.
For example
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,
government
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 funding of cultural programs,
such
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 as traditional music festivals or public
art
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 exhibitions, may help preserve the cultural identity, and heritage of a nation, which might
otherwise
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 be lost.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 contributes to the economy of an entire country by attracting a large number of visitors, creating a creative tourism industry.
This
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 in turn, not only generates jobs and income but
also
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 enriches the society economically and culturally.
On the other hand
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, the proponents are convinced that subsidies for
artists
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 can be an inefficient use of money, as there are major issues that should be prioritized,
such
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 as healthcare, education and infrastructure.
For instance
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, in developing countries where poverty and unemployment are prevalent, the expenditure on artistic work seems unjustifiable compared to addressing urgent problems.
Moreover
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,
art
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 is a market-driven field, where successful
artists
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 can secure private funding without relying on subsidies. From
this
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 perspective,
government
Use synonyms
 support can lead to dependency and undermine the value of self-sufficiency in the arts. In conclusion,
while
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 some believe that
government
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 spending on
art
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 is wasteful, I contend that supporting
artists
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 fosters cultural preservation and economic growth.
Although
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 allocating funds efficiently is important, the societal benefits of
art
Use synonyms
 justify reasonable financial assistance.

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task achievement
Ensure examples are specific and detailed. While the essay provides relevant examples, more specific details can make them more effective.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear connection between ideas to ensure seamless transitions. Consider using cohesive devices to enhance clarity further.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which showcases comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is clear and well-organized, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion, providing a strong sense of completeness.
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