IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the development of social media, more and more young people are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world, younger people are experiencing a significant increase in online
harm
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that there is less supervision of adolescents' online access from their
parents
Use synonyms
, others contend that websites should develop
further
Linking Words
 platforms to prevent youngsters from connecting with strangers. Whether the suggestion works, adults, especially those who have kids, may consider
this
Linking Words
 problem of unsupervised
risk
Use synonyms
. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss it
further
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 young
children
Use synonyms
 start to utilize the internet and computer to learn something new,
such
Linking Words
 as doing homework, having an online lesson, and playing games, they have gradual possibilities to meet any uncertainty. There are a few ways to deal with those issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, setting up private settings on
children
Use synonyms
's online devices to keep less security from online
harm
Use synonyms
 from strangers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, dedicating certain times of the day as common hours for digital use, so that the family can be together.
Then
Linking Words
, the groomers could perceive the presence of
parents
Use synonyms
 as an increasing
risk
Use synonyms
 of being detected.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, check the kid's profile on social media profile to affirm their intentions or reduce the
risk
Use synonyms
 of triggering bad people. Above are the three ways by parent's supervision and advance controls by setting up virtual and visual settings.
However
Linking Words
, if applications or website developers can configure the platforms,
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
inform the kid's family about the potentially hazardous conditions for
children
Use synonyms
 who are under 18 years old. In
this
Linking Words
 way avoid adolescents getting unsupervised access to have more chances to meet someone they chat with only online.
Thus
Linking Words
, providing both platform configuring and parent supervision can reduce delinquency. Keeping
children
Use synonyms
 from online
harm
Use synonyms
 no longer has to be because of either being supervised by
parents
Use synonyms
 or configured by platform developers. They are less likely to decrease the possibility of letting
children
Use synonyms
 experience online
harm
Use synonyms
. It is pivotal that
parents
Use synonyms
 make an effort to trace online digital technology being used by kids, the
risk
Use synonyms
 of connecting with bad guys may drop less normal.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
To enhance clarity, ensure your ideas are clearly divided into paragraphs, each serving a specific purpose (introduction, body, conclusion).
content
Clarify and expand on your examples to directly relate them to the problem and proposed solutions.
language use
Practice paraphrasing to avoid repetition and enrich your vocabulary, contributing to a more engaging and articulate essay.
grammar
Watch out for subtle grammatical issues and aim for precision in your language to further improve your score.
cohesion
Consider a wider range of linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between ideas.
content
You provided a balanced discussion covering both parental supervision and changes by platform developers as solutions.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion clearly bookend the essay, presenting the topic and summarizing your position effectively.
relevance
The essay stays on topic, addressing the issue of unsupervised internet access and its dangers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: