IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times in most people’s life others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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In
this
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 era, it is believed that childhood is the best year to bring happiness,
while
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 others assume that adulthood is the best time in human life. In
this
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 essay, both statements will be elucidated. I wholeheartedly agree with the latter argument. On the one hand, our beginning years are empty of responsibilities. They do not have any commitments
such
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 as bill payments, master's degree exams, and family issues. All that they care about is the candies and where they can spend their leisure time.
Additionally
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, they are not aware of the rent and tax. If they stutter in any issue, they will be fostered and assisted by their peers. The on;y issue that will make them
struggle
Add an article
the struggle
show examples
 is how to opt above activities.
According to
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 a study conducted by Liverpool University, it highlighted that seventy per cent of adolescents are satisfied
due to
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 their family's encouragement. They are delighted with the moment with them.
On the other hand
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, the adult period is superior to others. They feel that they are not tied to their family. They are free to opt above a lot of things,
for instance
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, careers, relationships, and personal goals.
Although
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 financial management can be challenging,
this
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 will advocate for them and provide them with a sense of responsibility, independence, and empowerment. In his book, Free Young Boys, Professor Harry Kane said that the most delighted moments for adults are when they feel they are responsible.
This
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 makes them ecstatic and elevates their awareness. In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
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 argument. I staunchly agree that the best moments will be experienced when we are young. We will be able to travel to many areas. Expert a lot of new things that we were not able to do before.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses the topic fully, covering all parts of the question in a balanced way. Although both views are discussed, a clearer opinion could be expressed earlier and more consistently throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a more structured approach, with clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more strongly linked to the main ideas presented in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the study from Liverpool University and Professor Harry Kane’s thoughts, which help substantiate the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The writing includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which are essential for a complete essay structure.
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