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Band 6.5

Some parents spent little free time with their children today. Why is this? Who do you think it affects more, parents or children?

#parents #time #children
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These days, some
parents
Use synonyms
 have spent less
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure
time
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 with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 pupils as they spend too much
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
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working outside
instead
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 of spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their kids, which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
implications more affects the physical and mental health of
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will explore reasons why
this
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 can happen, and how
children
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 suffer more. The
first
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 cause that we need to take into
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consideration is
the
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apply
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modern working life. Many
parents
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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both father and mother, work at the remote office.
Therefore
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,
time
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 for spending at home with their pupils is very
less
Correct quantifier usage
little
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. My family can be
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 good example, which both of my
parents
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 are government officers, and need to be in the office
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 8 am to 4.30 pm, so I can spend
time
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 with them only
at
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in
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 the evening.
Secondly
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, some families prefer to send their kids to take extra learning courses on weekends, which
prompt
Change the form of the verb
prompted
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 the family to be apart on holidays. As less
time
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 meeting with each other,
children
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 are significantly dictated by the consequences in accordance with being alone. For
this
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 reason,
children
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 look for other activities to kill
time
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 and friends to rely on, which some of them are harmful to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 physical and mental health
such
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 as being addicted to video games, or illegal drugs.
For example
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, during a long holiday between the interval of semesters, I spent 8 to 9 hours in front of the computer screen to play
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online games, when my
parents
Use synonyms
 were at the office. As the result, I became a game
addictor
Correct your spelling
addiction
addict
addict or
, which did not want to go outside, and wanted to play games only.
Furthermore
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, my eyes got damaged, and I need to wear glasses for all of my life. In conclusion, due to the change of working lifestyles for generating income to feed the family,
parents
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 need to devote their
time
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 to work, which disastrously affect their
children
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 at home. To overcome these problems,
parents
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 have to adjust their
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 to become a work-life balance.
Submitted by prokoh_ja_555 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental involvement
  • Work-life balance
  • Screen time
  • Societal norms
  • Neglect
  • Guilt
  • Milestones
  • Family bonding
  • Quality time
  • Effective parenting
  • Familial connections
  • Dedicated family time
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