IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#athletes #medals #olympics #governments #money #programmes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, an increasing number of
people
 are concerned that whether the government should allocate national budgets on educating the citizens about how to be active and healthy in lieu of training the athletes to Olympic games. I am of the opinion that the authority should invest more
money
 in ensuring healthy
people
's healthy lifestyles than in training professional athletes. To commence with, it is the authority that responsible for raising awareness of the public about the importance of leading an active lifestyle.
This
 means that organising health awareness campaigns not only can it probably prevent individuals from severe illness
such
 as cardiovascular diseases or obesity, but
also
 creates a health-conscious generation. If the government did succeed in propagating healthy programmes,
for instance
, they might have to spend a juggernaut amount of
money
 on neither medical research nor cure for its the public's diseases.
Furthermore
, the healthier dwellers are, the more prosperous the nation will be. According to the data using from the OECD, Japan has been the healthiest nation in the world,
thus
,
this
country
 with an average life expectancy is about 84.2 years,
thus
,
this
country
 has been considered one of the largest and most developed economies.
Therefore
, being a healthy nation, it is a one of the good sign for the
country
 as it would, globally, rise the credibility of the
country
. It is
also
 true that the authority should spend
money
 on training sportsperson as
such
people
 mark present of their
country
 at international sporting events, thereby helping their
country
 to earn the name.
Although
 it might be true, it would be a hit-or-miss circumstance due to the unstable of the athletes.
In other words
,
people
 do not make sure that their sportsperson can be able to win medals at the Olympics. In conclusion, I believe that the public
money
 spent on spreading words about the effectiveness of health will be more ideal than on sportsperson training.
Submitted by thutrang180695 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reallocate
  • mass health improvement
  • national health issues
  • foster a sense of community
  • boost morale
  • lifestyle
  • public health programs
  • government’s commitment
  • national pride
  • Olympic success
  • physical activity
  • discovery of new talents
  • elite athletes
  • balanced approach
  • physical and mental health benefits
  • inspiring national pride
  • unity
  • elite sports
  • innovation
  • sports science and technology
What to do next:
Look at other essays: