IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays people get married and have children after the age of 30. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #children #age #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to life. These days, people tend to make a family or get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
marriage
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their partner after 30 years old. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because of two reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is clear that they can save enough money to support their children.
This
Linking Words
 means that
parents
Use synonyms
 have to spend a lot of money for their kids as making perfect supports.
For example
Linking Words
, when
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 to extra
school
Change the noun form
schools
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as playing sports or learning languages,
parents
Use synonyms
 ought to take a lot of costs for them. As a research, the cost of education until graduated university,
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend at least $10000 per a year. As the result,
parents
Use synonyms
 can do good preparation on purpose until they get married.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is no doubt that
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 persons are able to do whatever they want until 30.
This
Linking Words
 is because some campaign’s age limitation is average until thirty years old.
For instance
Linking Words
,
working
Add an article
the working
a working
show examples
 holiday which can apply within 20 to 30 years old and it can participate in at once in their life.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to take care of their child
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
. As for
this
Linking Words
, they do not make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to do their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 activities.
Hence
Linking Words
, they do not want to waste
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time while they can play it without
concerning
Change the form of the verb
concern
show examples
. To sum up, marriage and having
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 after
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 30 have some benefits to save money and have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 energy to play activities.
Submitted by ryohei.o532 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: