As cyber-perpetration is becoming a main online problem, social media and technological companies should be obligated by government to launch strict policy(ies) against cyber-bullying. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The rise of modern communication instruments, which exploit the Internet, has completely changed our society in the

last

Linking Words

three decades, bringing an endless number of opportunities and benefits, but

also

Linking Words

lots of drawbacks

such

Linking Words

as cyber-bullying. I firmly condemn

this

Linking Words

kind of behaviour and I am aware that people alone cannot fight easily

this

Linking Words

phenomenon.

Therefore

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, I support the idea that companies and governments should create strict policies against it, starting with some ideas that I will explain in the next paragraphs.

Firstly

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, cyber-bullying leads to the isolation and eventually the death of millions of people every year. It is a terrible cancer that could be cured with laws that in the first place protect the victims of these episodes.

For instance

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, a teenager

that is

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bullied by others on the Internet can develop the need to isolate himself from the rest of the world, and the possibility of seeing a psychologist paid by public taxes might be of easier access for him when compared to a private specialist, especially if he does not have a rich family.

Therefore

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, it is extremely necessary for governments to create a series of mental support services for them, limiting the number of suicides or mental illnesses that keeps appearing.

Lastly

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, companies and politicians should always support campaigns against cyber-bullying.

For example

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, important brands

such

Linking Words

as Apple, Amazon or Microsoft, which owns multiple social media platforms, given their important public role, should always side with people against

this

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bad behaviour.

Thus

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, campaigns against

this

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issue, if supported by big companies, might be reached by a bigger audience.

To conclude

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, it is really important for our world to eradicate

this

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dangerous problem starting from its roots, and with the help of powerful positions could really shift our whole society in the right direction.

fabiocrugnola2000

Jul 18, 2022

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task response

Have a clear view in the first line and say it again at the end.

coherence

Make ideas link with better words. Start each paragraph with a clear main idea.

lexical

Be careful with facts. Phrases like 'millions of people' can be too strong.

grammar

Fix small grammar mistakes, like 'which owns' should be 'which own' for plural.

stance

Clear view that policy is needed.

content

Uses examples to back points.

structure

Has intro, body, and conclusion.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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