IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

“Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.” Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#“some #people #advertisements #products #lives
Promoting of
product
 inspire people to buy the thing which they do not need really.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 promoting
also
 help us to know about the new
product
 that we might need for better living.I agree on both the point of view.As everything things have
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 both. Advertising
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 people attract towards the
product
,Sometimes it shows more feature
then
 actually they have in that
product
 and encourage them to buy the thing which they do not need in their
day
 to
day
 life. They might use it for the
first
 time, letter on they keep it aside and it just
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 wasted or become useless to use.It mostly
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
 the children eyes for toys. Where parents are bound to buy for them even though it might be
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
show examples
 and worthless to keep their kid happy.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 advertising
also
 gives us
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about the
product
 and show us the usefulness of new
product
 which make easier for us in
day
 to
day
 life.It
also
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us
idea
Add an article
an idea
the idea
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 which market is cheaper and where it is expensive. Following that we make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
use of good budget of the
product
 in
cheaper
Add an article
a cheaper
show examples
 way. Promoting
also
 help the seller to sell their
product
 by using the cheapest means of communication.They are able to reach
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of potential buyers where sales staff cannot
reach
Correct pronoun usage
themreach
show examples
.
With the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 growth of information on the Internet has
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of time people spend on it, which has
in turn
Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
show examples
 generated a new market for Internet advertising. And it have both have advantage and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. So, we have to utilize our brain and buy the
product
 which will be reasonable and useful for our
day
 to
day
 life.
Submitted by muhammad.mahdibillah on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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