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Writing Samples /
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
There is a prevailing belief that,
although
 the evolution of agriculture the world is still safer from the phenomenon of malnutrition. In my opinion,
this
 statement speaks out the nowadays reality.
To begin
 with, in the agriculture field, substantial steps have been made, in the past few years, and more specifically, technological ones. New massiness, and biological advancements, created the conditions of colossal growth in the food industry.
For example
, because of the greenhouse evolution, we are able to consume the whole year, fruits and vegetables of a specific season, in huge quantities.
However
, allonge with
this
 production technology, the supermarket price reached a peak, making it difficult for average families the consume those products.
Secondly
, the states have the responsibility to provide accessible food prices for their citizens.
Consequently
, average families should have the ability to consume those products,
while
 nothing of those principles depicts the reality.
For instance
,
in
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Greece,
although
 the fact,
that is
 the main country, which produces olive oil, its citizens can hardly consume
this
 national product, because of its unreasonable price rise. The state does not protect their people, making basic rights irrational. By changing the evaluation of prices, I am confident that more humans will be able to consume the given products. Ultimately, with the agricultural growth, more food supplies were provided, when meanwhile the governments, did not protect the consumers from the unreasonably high prices that came along. The change
,
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 needs to be done by the ones with power for the common good.
Submitted by margaritasil on

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coherence cohesion
You've done a great job connecting your ideas and ensuring your essay has a logical flow. To further improve, consider diversifying your connecting words and phrases to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are developed thoroughly. While you've provided insightful points, expanding on each with more detailed explanations or examples could further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, creating a clear framework for your discussion. Continuously refine these sections to succinctly summarize your main points and stance.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the task, providing a comprehensive response with clear, comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. For even greater clarity, consider directly stating how these issues could be resolved in your concluding paragraph.
task achievement
Incorporating a wider range of specific, concrete examples can enrich your argument, making it more persuasive and relatable to the reader. Seek to balance theoretical discussion with real-world evidences.
task achievement
The essay showcases a strong understanding of the topic, effectively addressing the prompt.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the greenhouse evolution and the situation in Greece, helps ground your argument in real-world issues, enhancing the essay's relevance and impact.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively guides the reader through your argument, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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