IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education, but others think that this is not the government’s responsibility

Some individuals think that healthcare and
education
Use synonyms
 should be fully funded by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 is not. I prefer that authorities should not provide the
health
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
as this
show examples
 has several benefits
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some figures admitted that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should be provided by the private which means these two
areas
Use synonyms
 should be funded by entrepreneurs,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 think
funded
Wrong verb form
that funding
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can lead to free healthcare and cheap
education
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, private
education
Use synonyms
 can give students valuable information to learn , and the
health
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 faster than the
government
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's.In the first instance , in a private hospital, people can get their results faster , and diagnoses can be accurate.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
 healthcare works for everyone , and in the study
system
Use synonyms
 , every individual can learn , but in
this
Linking Words
 term , lesson quality will drop because in schools, there are a minimum of 30 people in a class
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 affects
education
Use synonyms
 quality.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if we look at the statistics of the Balkan countries, they do not provide these
areas
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have given permission to private
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 has several benefits because all budgets should be spent on security and economics now. To tell the truth, everyone can not spend their money on private
areas
Use synonyms
 , but there is a solution for
this
Linking Words
. In many countries
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 private hospitals, it is free to receive a diagnosis , and they will provide free tests
As
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
 we mentioned above results of the private hospitals will be more accurate than
others
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are so many benefits in private
areas
Use synonyms
 ,
whereas
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 do not.
However
Linking Words
 ministry can
also
Linking Words
 spend money on the
health
Use synonyms
 and learning
system
Use synonyms
 , but people might choose the opposite

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task achievement
Make your arguments clearer with better examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words to help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay better by clearly introducing each point in separate paragraphs.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic.
task achievement
Some good points about private vs government systems in education and health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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