IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support this claim.

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The growing pressures of the money-driven world we live in widely cause the gravitation towards material items.
However
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, personal happiness is not achieved through things like work, wealth, and success. Though these things may be attractive and coveted, it does not refute the fact that relationships with friends, colleagues, and family members are the genuine secrets to living happily.
This
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 will be proven by bringing up the topic of wealthy superstars who steadily live lonely lives and the advice from elderly people based on experience.
Firstly
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, becoming famous leads to a busy and solitary life, especially if it brings luxury. Just like the artists who need bodyguards all the time and deal with the paparazzi,
thus
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 reducing their privacy with possible friendship. Unfortunately, because of that, celebrities are forced to not be authentic and
therefore
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 not to enjoy themselves with friends and family.
This
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 lifestyle imprisoned by fame is not a means of felicity.
Secondly
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, maturity brings us the awareness that lived experiences are the only riches in life. It is very common to hear workaholic people, when older, say that they would like to have enjoyed life more,
for example
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. Sadly, at a certain age, after having worked hard throughout their career, the retiree recognize that, depending on the state health, it can be more difficult to enjoy the savings. The lesson of
this
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 is that we need to appreciate the present with our loved ones because the future is incognito. As explained above, genuine happiness can never be bought by wealth and everyone gets to realise
this
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 when they become old. It is true that relationships with friends, colleagues and family members create happiness.
Therefore
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, the greater the love you give, the greater you receive.

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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