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Band 4.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #business #people #closure #death #communities
In few
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the existence and growth of
supermarkets
 are posing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
competition for several small, local enterprises. Some people consider that the loss of local
businesses
 can bring severe impacts on local communities. In my opinion, I agree that the closure of local
businesses
 can affect the livelihoods of local communities.
However
, I believe that
supermarkets
 can support small
businesses
. Small and medium enterprises can lose their
businesses
 when competing with
supermarkets
 because they are unable to cater to all
different
Correct article usage
the different
show examples
 needs and wants of a consumer. They can only sell
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 unique
products
 that they offer. Whereas, when a customer visits a supermarket, he has the opportunity to shop various
products
 and
this
 saves his or her time in travel and effort
taken
Add the auxiliary verb
are taken
show examples
 for shopping. Large
supermarkets
 usually have various outlets throughout the country which means that they have expertise and resources in improving sales and marketing of their
products
. Regardless,
supermarkets
 can lend a helping hand to local business owners by allowing them to sell and market their
products
 in a supermarket
in addition
 to operating their own local stores. Since mass crowds visit
supermarkets
,
this
 provides wider exposure and customer engagement on locally produced
products
 and /or
serviced
Change the form of the verb
service
show examples
 provided which can improve the sales and marketing of their respective local
businesses
. In conclusion,
supermarkets
 can pose a threat to local
businesses
 because of their capability to develop quickly and easy shopping.
However
, both
supermarkets
 and local
businesses
 can work together to improve each other’s prospects by providing the convenience of shopping and
also
 supporting local communities.
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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