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Band 7.5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists, other people believes that it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #traditions #machines #tourists #world
These days, the argument over whether using cultural
traditions
 as money-making attractions for tourists leads to their destruction or is the key to their preservation has not been settled yet. On the one hand, when
traditions
 are developed as commodities to attract tourists, there is a risk of losing their essence. With regard to the former, Traditional practices and rituals may be altered or simplified to meet the demands of the increasing amount of tourism, and
therefore
 dilute the significance of these traditional cultures.
Moreover
, attaching too much commercial value to these traditional cultures will obscure their meaning and value, and transform them into simple entertainment. All of these would probably lead to the destruction of traditional culture.
On the other hand
, making money from traditional culture could provide essential financial support for their maintenance and inheritance. To be specific, the income generated can be used to get conservation efforts, support local communities that uphold these
traditions
, and set up local educational programs to pass on the knowledge and skills to future generations.
In addition
, tourism could increase the popularity of these
traditions
, and raise awareness about the importance of these
traditions
, not only among visitors but
also
 among the local population, fostering a sense of cultural self-confidence and the determination to preserve them.
As a result
, the
traditions
 could survive and be inherited. In my opinion, I believe that people should ideally find a middle ground between letting them become too commodified to make money and using money to keep them survive.
Submitted by 2575444164 on

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conclusion
Ensure that the conclusion is more detailed and offers a clear summary of the points discussed. A strong conclusion can effectively tie together the arguments presented.
examples
Provide specific examples to strengthen the arguments. Specific examples can give more weight to your points, making the essay more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument comprehensively, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and coherence are evident, as the essay flows well from one point to another, maintaining a clear line of thought.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, though additional specific examples could further strengthen the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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