IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#television #violence #children #programs #scenes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Violence is escalating in our society rapidly and it is damaging the world especially the
children
Use synonyms
. The impact of violence heavily relies on the
content
Use synonyms
 the younger ones are watching on their
television
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the factors and the role of the TV shows associated with violence. In our sedentary lifestyle, the
children
Use synonyms
 in their leisure
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
glued
Add a missing verb
are glued
show examples
 to the screens or gadgets
instead
Linking Words
 of playing with toys. As per the statistics, 75% of
kids
Use synonyms
 spend approximately 4-6 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
, it can
denotes
Change the verb form
denote
show examples
 the influence of nurturing their young
minds
Use synonyms
 with violent or inappropriate
content
Use synonyms
. As they are learning and adopting the
content
Use synonyms
 they are watching on
television
Use synonyms
, it can be the cause as several
kids
Use synonyms
 are engaged in bullying in their schools. Either they can self-harm themselves or hurt their siblings in the absence of their parents. Due to less parental care and supervision, some of the
children
Use synonyms
 got indulged in watching disturbing and wild TV programs which will be vulnerable for their innocent
minds
Use synonyms
 and can trigger aggressive and anti-social behaviour in near future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 immense popularity of action movies and shows, some parents engage their
kids
Use synonyms
 in watching
such
Linking Words
 programs which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 causing them to initiate and enact
such
Linking Words
 violent acts in their real life.
In addition
Linking Words
, some crime shows
also
Linking Words
 create a pivotal role in spoiling young
minds
Use synonyms
 to commit heinous crimes without acknowledging the adverse circumstances. In a
nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell
show examples
, excessive and constant exposure of violent
content
Use synonyms
 on
kids
Use synonyms
 through
television
Use synonyms
 can visualize their
minds
Use synonyms
 with aggressive thoughts. In my opinion, parents should be vigilant in monitoring the kid’s activities and limit their
children
Use synonyms
 to watch only
youth friendly
Add a hyphen
youth-friendly
show examples
 shows as it can drop the rate
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 aggressive, disturbed and harsh
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 young age.
Submitted by ieltsmaterialof on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: